Cheating death
Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash
If you knew you only had six months left to live. What would you do with your remaining time you have left? In recent years, I've went through that hypothetical a number of times. I'm sure you have too. If I were to guess, I'd imagine most of our answers would be the same. That is, to spend as much time with our loved ones before we leave this earth. In February 2025, this scenario came true. Except it wasn't me knocking on deaths door, it was my grandma when she was admitted to hospice care. Given my unhealthy relationship with work, too often at the expense of personal relationships, I took this as a sign to book a one-way trip to Florida in March of 2025 and prioritize what ultimately matters in life. Our relationships.
Hospice is a special kind of care that focuses on a person's quality of life and dignity as they near their end of life. Typically six months or less. August 31, 2025, represents the six month mark for my grandma, but somewhat poetically, was the date she was officially discharged from hospice given how much she has improved since March. In this article, I want to share my experience of what the last few months have been like.
Deterioration
Taking a step back to give some context, grandma was admitted to the nursing home in January 2024. She wasn't in the best health, but she was still able to independently walk around the nursing home to get her steps in with her walker. A few thousand steps a day, per her own recollection - at least in the beginning. She had family and friends visit from time to time and I personally flew back from Virginia every month. Unfortunately, towards the end of 2024, something happened that caused her to downward spiral into a state of hopelessness and depression. She stopped walking, hardly ate, never socialized, and began to deteriorate quite rapidly. In talking with her roommate, she said grandma just laid in bed 24/7 in a fetal position. She told me that the nursing home staff thought that she was on her way out too. It was also around this time she was admitted, and constantly readmitted, to the hospital. Towards the end of the 2024, I remember I'd get off the plane, take a Lyft over to my sister's, and drive over to the hospital because she was either just admitted or recently admitted to the emergency room.
Unsurprisingly, but perhaps expected, my sister informed me in February 2025 that she was, again, admitted to the hospital. Except this time, her doctor recommended hospice care for her as grandma was in pretty bad shape. I was pretty devastated and a flood of emotions took over me as I felt an immense sense of guilt for not doing more. More importantly, if I still had time to actually do more. That night, I told my girlfriend about the news, cancelled my flight to Utah the next week (work trip & snowboarding trip), and booked a one-way flight to Tampa in preparation for the worse. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect when I saw her, but it was worse than I had imagined when I saw her back a few months ago in November 2024.
Bedridden, extremely weak, depressed, and weighing just 67 pounds (her typical is ~97 pounds for reference), she was in pretty bad shape. Even if she was knocking on heaven's door, she was obviously suffering. It was pretty clear that maximizing her quality of life and comfort would be our number one goal. I was fortunate in that my sister and brother-in-law welcomed me into their home, fed me, and let me use their car over the next few months as I figured out my plans.
Slow start
I filed for FMLA for the month of March and spent most of my time strategizing with my family, especially my sister, about what were the top things we needed to do for grandma. The obvious ones were bringing her food, especially cultural foods that are non-existent in her nursing home, and building her strength back up so she's not bedridden. The less obvious ones were all the financial, legal, and logistical questions surrounding her care.
How do we reconcile her monthly medical bills that weren't covered, but were supposed to be?
How do we get her moved to a closer nursing home since the current commute is so far (1 hour w/o traffic and 1.5-2 hours w/ traffic...each way)?
How do we enlist additional help that is affordable if/when we move her back in? Where do we start?
Etc, etc
That's how most of March went. I spent my mornings on the phone with Medicaid, Medicare, Department of Family and Children's, and Sunshine Health trying to reconcile all of her financial expenses and legal paperwork like power of attorney or authorized representatives. I spent my evenings commuting ~1 hour (2 hours round trip) to grandma and bring her a home cooked meal that either my sister or my parents would prepare. Progress was very slow, but it was clearly working. I also picked up a Gait Belt to help her walk and some 1.5 lb weights for her to use every night to rebuild her overall strength. Every evening we did a short, 20 minute walk to the kitchen down the hall and came back to do a set of 10-15 reps of shoulder and chest presses with her weights.
Progress
I went back to work full time at the beginning of April as my FMLA had ended, but moved from my sister's place (an hour away) to an Airbnb that was only 10 minutes from grandma's to increase the number of times I could help with her rehab. Instead of visiting only in the evening, I'd also go in the morning between 8 - 9 AM and check into a coworking space nearby to work my full time job until it's time for our evening visit.
Things really began to improve during this month. I think the additional interactions, especially the social visits from not only me, but also family and friends, really began to impact grandma in a positive way. For example, my cousin bought her a cassette player and my sister bought her some cassette tapes that had some classic Chinese artists. I'd help her put them on during our evening walks and it'd be the first time I heard my grandma sing. In fact, it was probably one of the first times I saw her happy in years. On other occasions, I'd help her make, or rather, return phone calls to her close friends that have tried calling her on multiple times, but were unsuccessful as my grandma was no longer able to use a phone independently anymore due to her vision. Her eyes lit up during these conversations and underpinned, for me, how important social interactions were in her recovery.
As progress continued, I also began to think long term and started to search for apartments near her in hopes that it'd ease her into coming over, and eventually, moving in with me. Fast forward a few weeks, and I signed a lease with my little brother who was moving back in May for an apartment that was 10-15 minutes away from her. As April came to a close, I also took another month of FMLA in May to continue building on the momentum for my grandma and increased my visits from 2x/day in April to 3x/day (morning, afternoon, & evening) to maximize her recovery.
Full circle
As the next four months passes, from May to August, Grandma significantly improved.
She gained 13.2 lbs.
She watched Journey to the West with us. Just like when we were kids.
And I resigned from my full-time job at Verily to make the most of my time with her.
Personally, it felt like everything came full circle as I originally switched from engineering to pharmacy during my college years at University of Florida because of my grandma. I really cherish every day I get to spend with her and below is a snapshot of one of our typical days:
Planning for the future
As grandma continues to improve, I'm now beginning to think of the future. I'd like to move her in with me so I can take better care of her, but also want to make sure I am fully equipped to give her the best care I possibly could. Thus, I started my CNA training in September 2025.
When I was younger, maybe five or six, I used to wonder what exactly happens when someone "dies". Maybe it was from all the Chinese soap operas I watched my grandma, but I believed there was a magical shot you could give someone to cure them from death. I imagined giving that shot to my parents and to my grandma right so they can live forever. Naive as I was, now that I'm just a tad wiser, I now realize that the the real magical shot isn't medicine at all. It's time - the moments we choose to spend with the people we love.